He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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