yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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