For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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