I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize