I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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