I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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