A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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