you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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