my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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