Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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