I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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