There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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