never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize