I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize