I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize