my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize