How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize