That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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