dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
whose parrot is this?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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