dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize