my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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