On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
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Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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