We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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