Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize