i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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