Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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