Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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