She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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