party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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