I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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