tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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