I just pynch a tree in the face
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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