i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You need a sexual gate keeper
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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