So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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