I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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