The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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