Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I feel like death. Did you die last night?

(305): View more from Florida

Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

(859): View more from Kentucky

unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

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(859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid

Replies (8) Good night (1977) Bad night (460)
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(972): View more from Texas

i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

(817): View more from Texas

Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

(972): View more from Texas

ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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(972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr

Replies (66) Good night (5488) Bad night (1074)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth

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(919): I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth http://tfl.nu/uiea

Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (2849) Order T-Shirt
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(941): View more from Florida

I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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(941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs

Replies (13) Good night (5032) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So for us it's double that?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Precisely.

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(570): Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime. (717): So for us it's double that? (570): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/p9hg

Replies (33) Good night (4872) Bad night (587)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/

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(507): your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/ http://tfl.nu/cbt7

Replies (52) Good night (1027) Bad night (6002) Order T-Shirt
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(763): View more from Minnesota

there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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(763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40

Replies (35) Good night (1731) Bad night (8452) Order T-Shirt
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(816): View more from Missouri

I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

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(816): I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right?? http://tfl.nu/udb6

Replies (31) Good night (7683) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
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(773): View more from Illinois

he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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(773): he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex. http://tfl.nu/ci3t

Replies (23) Good night (4587) Bad night (941)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.

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(901): My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary. http://tfl.nu/r2s3

Replies (9) Good night (5045) Bad night (793)
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(660): View more from Missouri

I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!

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(660): I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification! http://tfl.nu/z1dt

Replies (5) Good night (961) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them

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(704): Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them http://tfl.nu/4k2w

Replies (5) Good night (1654) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
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(914): View more from New York

I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts

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(914): I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts http://tfl.nu/lyzo

Replies (11) Good night (819) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
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(936): View more from Texas

My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.

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(936): My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away. http://tfl.nu/923e

Replies (5) Good night (238) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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(847): View more from Illinois

They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs

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(847): They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs http://tfl.nu/t67m

Replies (3) Good night (529) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt

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