I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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