So drunk its hurt
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize