its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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