ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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