I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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