I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize