alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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