Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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