Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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