Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize