I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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