It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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