So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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